Inside the Mind of a Deranged Potato

Everyone is a kaleidoscope of personalities. We are multifaceted with a lot of layers, experiences and feelings that make us behave differently in different environments. So if you think you know me, I might contradict that version of myself in your head.

1. Most people will tell you I am quiet and reserved, but I am secretly loud. I’m normally talkative around the right people. I have a penchant for philosophical conversations but I’m actually pretty good at making light chitchat. I do enjoy periods of solitude to recharge and decompress but I also gravitate towards adventure and all the fun stuff.

2. I am a non-conformist. I like going against the grain. Our society operates by standards and I believe that it’s our responsibility to realign our beings with our true selves and strip away the expectations placed upon us. I always prefer to think and act in a way that feels true to myself.

² After graduation, I had job offers from different companies. I rejected all of it simply because I really wanted to work in a government organization. The people in my life were kinda skeptical about my career options and pushed me into following certain paths thinking that I will be wasting my skills and talents. Go into law school! Teach in a university, you can offer so much more Joy! But what they don’t realize is that achievements can only lead to temporary pleasure, atleast for me. I don’t want to live like everyone else - working for money, status and things. I don’t want to continue struggling to be the best at everything and be weighed down by stressors that come along with not doing what I love. I want to be free and pursue my passions no matter how absurd that’ll sound to most people. IDGAF! I’m so thankful for my mother who’s got my back, always.

² There are people around me who have a deep-rooted belief that marriage is a requirement to be happy. I’m so effin tired of hearing disingenuous concerns about my “love life”. It’s as if they are brainwashed by the idea of having “timelines”. Do you have a boyfriend? When are you gonna get married Joy! You need to have kids before 30. WTH! The thing about me is that I refuse to be swallowed by societal norms, comparison traps and emotional blackmails. I want to consciously be open to finding someone I want to share my life with. I want to get married for all the right reasons, not because I am burdened by the pressures of people that are not even family. Marriage is not child’s play, it requires maturity and mental-emotional preparedness. I am super happy with my life as it is! I hope you will also live your life, as your own, regardless of what others tell you.

3. Love & Relationships: No Boyfriend Since Birth (NBSB). Some people find this hard to believe but FACT! I am a hardcore fangirl since grade school. I can be so engulfed in my fantasies that I actually believe Daniel Radcliffe, Vic Zhou, Lee Taemin and Park Chanyeol will eventually be my future spouse. Hahaha. My not-so-close friends think I expect perfection when it does not exist in the first place. In the real world, there’s compromise, imperfections, disappointments, quarrels over petty things and other forces at play. Dreaming the impossible would only set me up for a mighty fall. I am cray-crazy not naive! LOL.

² Okay, so the truth is I love my solo situation and the freedom that comes with being unattached. I can’t seem to let go of my safe consistency of solitude. I also don’t fall in love easily. Don’t get me wrong, I swoon when attractive guys walk by, I talk about boys and relationships all the time and I watch a healthy dose of romantic movies. I had admirers but it didn’t come to a point where "settling" became an option. Settling for me doesn’t necessarily mean putting a ring on it, it’s more of like an intimate declaration that I’m willing to bare my soul out for this person and I haven’t found that yet. Sure I dated a couple of guys but it didn't go as far as holding hands ROFL. I choose the people I spend time with very carefully. I have a strong preference for deep, long lasting relationships that meant more than just “let’s hang out”.

² Sometimes I get scared too. When I think of letting someone in, I can only picture the way that person can break me. So I sabotage it before it can even begin. Plus, I don’t play hooky. Err, I've been protecting the castle my entire life and there's no way I'm going to lower the drawbridge just to get some steamy action. I don't mind people into casual hookups though, I mean to each his own right? I feel like keeping your purity before marriage is becoming an archaic concept in the Philippines but some girls want to keep it old-fashioned (like me). Despite my choices, I wouldn't really call myself a "prude" or "Miss Goody-Goody" because I'm far from that. Hahaha. I sure as hell had my fair share of mischief mismanaged LMAO, I am def af pervy, I enjoy sexually-charged convos with friends and I do other nasties a normal human being would do. I'm not as innocent as I might look but I value relationships sprung out of love, genuine affection, respect and loyalty.

In the end, I don’t make it a goal to stay single forever. I’ll get there…

4. I’m honest and straightforward, I might need a brain-to-mouth filter. It will come as a shock for people who barely know me but I am always bold enough to say what I feel.  

² At work, I don’t sit back and listen then blow rainbows up anyone’s ass. I am super direct and honest because I believe it is a necessity for both personal and professional endeavors. I get that some people are scared to speak up because they want to avoid confrontations, or they are irrationally afraid of what will happen, or maybe they want to gain the approval of others. Avoiding conflict at all costs means you’ll struggle to stand up for the things you really believe in. It sucks if we disregard our feelings so we can be liked and thought of favorably by others. Of course we have to listen and respect other people’s opinions, but pretending to agree just because you want to please them can cause you to engage in a behavior that goes against your values. I find it stressful to be around people who only nod in agreement in front of others then talk shit behind their back. What the eff happened with honesty!? Why can’t we be clear? Duh, you don’t need to fight people. You don’t need to interject your opinions. You just have to give them a piece of your mind and state what you truly feel. In the long run, playing it safe will only make us suffer in silence. Therefore, I will always speak my mind. I will never leave myself open to the regret of wishing I had said something, but didn't. Never!

² My friends know that I am a hard pill to swallow - I’m not afraid to speak my mind and I don’t let anyone walk over me. Luckily, I also attract these kinds of people and it’s refreshing to be with friends who I can be fully open to. I don’t have to watch my language in front of them or be selective with my words. There’s no way I’m going to sign up for friendships who totally sacrifice who they are and simply tell me what I want to hear. I want to invest in relationships where both parties feel secure enough to be genuine in their interactions. Kindness doesn’t cost a dime and neither does being honest!

Do not harm, but take no shit. Be kind but do not forget to stand up for yourself.

5. I cultivate self love. I am my own beacon of hope, light, love and happiness. I do not seek the approval or validation from others - some people love and adore me, others do not. I AM ME - complex, awkward, messy and a little out of touch with reality LOL.

² I openly and genuinely talk about my passions, my fears and my fantasies. Oftentimes, I get carried away and be a bit of an oddball. Hahaha. I also go to the extremes, either deliriously happy or depressingly somber - I go mental. I’ve seen people giving me a harsh glance, a raised eyebrow, a deadpan expression. It’s effin empowering you know - not fearing being disliked and not wasting energy molding my personality to be accepted. I embrace the fact that all of my qualities, the boons and the banes, are essential to the equation that is me. Life is so much easier when we abandon our insecurities and expose our true selves including our vulnerabilities. So keep your sense of humor, talk about your likes and dislikes and never mask your quirks. Learn to accept and love yourself!

² Living in a society that floods us with unattainable expectations, we strive to be “Little Miss Perfect”. Instead of feeling good about ourselves, we become devastatingly destructive. We'd do anything to feel included (to fit in) and in doing so, we lose touch with who we are and who we truly want to be in the process. The problem is that it’s tough up there on that “Miss Perfect” pedestal and there is always going to be someone better than us. Now bye self-esteem! We curl up in our ball of “I-am-not-good-enough” and constantly seek validation from others. You know what makes me sad? Approval seekers! Those who share photos and update statuses in the hope of getting approved by their Facebook, Instagram and Twitter friends/followers. I know people forcing “likes” in their updates and sweating over how many followers they have. It’s pathetic! Girls and Boys, we are fabulous! Give yourself praise, give yourself a gold star! Be your own support system, you don’t need to seek it out from others. Do not believe that your popularity, beauty and self worth stem from the amount of likes you receive. You are so much more than you allow yourself to take credit for. So be gentle with yourself! Stay authentic! Keep it real! Trust your inner voice so much that other people’s opinions and likes are appreciated but not needed.

6. I have a love affair with profanity @afhshita$jfxxvjbishtkfjbj#. Don’t get too offended! I might not look the “type” but I do drop f-bombs once in a while. Swearing is considered taboo, inappropriate and very unladylike but I have never personally felt like it made me sound less feminine, less classy, or less of a person. Take note, I only cuss if the situation calls for it. It’s more of like a form of “emphasis”, like the exclamation point at the end of the sentence. Park Chanyeol is so dang handsome bish what the eff! ROFL. You get the drift?

7. I go hardcore for close friends and the people I care about. I keep my circle small but I have the biggest support system. I am blessed to be surrounded by people who I can genuinely connect with.

² Some of us are involved in “friendships” based on proximity and convenience. You say hi to each other and half-heartedly catch up without getting deep and personal. As I got older, I no longer tolerate superficial relationships and interactions. I am less patient with insincere people - those who share a fair amount of gossip and empty talk, and those who rip you to shreds the moment you are not within ear’s distance. That is so teenager-ish and I’m tired of it! Hahaha. Everyone will agree that friendship requires time, effort and commitment to cultivate. I am proud to say that my besties and I have a much deeper grounding in shared values, perspectives and interests. We have strong pillars that burrow deep beyond the surface-level stuff. Over the years, we’ve seen each other’s trials, tribulations and triumphs. We root for each other even when times are tough. We celebrate success and aren’t consumed by jealousy when one surpasses the other. Together, we’ve traveled, laughed, fought and have felt loss and grief. But as work and responsibilities take hold, we recognize that it’s unrealistic to talk frequently or even come together in person. Some of us even live thousands of miles away, yet we still find ways to “be there” and it’s emotionally rewarding. We love and continue to love despite distance, silence and disappointments. It is true that when bonds are forged under the heat and pressure of testing times, they become unbreakable. So thank you, my little potato tribe! Thank you for loving me - the good, the bad and the ugly. Thank you for constantly choosing to invest in me. Time is precious and any amount shared, is a gift.

² I care about my potato tribe so much, I treat them like any other major commitment. In today’s fast-paced world, I take moments to pause, reflect and give time to the people I deeply care about. I also tell them how much they mean to me. People often say that our generation uses the word “love” too readily - that the L-phrase is too sacred to waste on platonic relationships. I beg to differ! Love is for everyone. Love shouldn’t be placed in two boxes - familial and romantic. To believe the truth of such proposition means you’re missing out on an entire spectrum. My besties have been there for me through my darkest moments. They looked beyond my mistakes and embraced me in spite of my flaws. How could I not love them after that? That is why I always put in my best efforts and go the extra mile to make them happy. I want to share their sorrows and celebrate their joys. I want to remain truthful and forgiving. I want to give them my full attention and make their presence a priority. With them, I “walk the talk” because words are flat until they are acted upon. So I will love my potato tribe with my whole heart and I will fight tooth and nail to keep them!

8. I have limits set for people, I like keeping my boundaries. Boundaries make our expectations clear, so others know how we want to be treated. We all have the right to set reasonable boundaries wherever we need to set them. We do not owe anybody an explanation or justification why we need to say “No” when we do. Setting boundaries can ensure that relationships can be mutually respectful, appropriate and caring.

² I like taking responsibility for how I allow others to treat me. I am able to say "No" to smoking that cigarette or having that glass of beer. I don’t want people to impose their idea of "fun" on me. Nowadays, I feel like my permanent disinterest in staying out is a second wave of puberty. I no longer enjoy parties and midnight rendezvous with friends. I love staying indoors, curled up under the covers with a good book or flopped down the couch binge-watching my favorite Netflix shows. I love a weekend spent at home after a busy work week. Sometimes it gets irritating when friends or co-workers coerce me into doing things I don’t like and question my need for social isolation. I strongly feel that I shouldn't be expected to do stuff I’m not comfortable with or dive into the details of how I use my time. All of us should learn to accept NO from others and respect their limits. If you try to control people and use aggression or manipulation to get them to do what you want, you clearly have issues. Thus, it is important to have our own boundaries and honor those of others. The key is to be observant and thoughtful. Watch for any signs that indicate you may be making your friend/colleague uncomfortable. Just be respectful and think about how you would want to be treated.

9. By this time, you probably know a handful about me. I’ll stop at 8.

----------------------------------------

We all have personality traits that are not perfect, it’s human nature. We are not one dimensional. Remember to be true to yourself in alignment with your core values. Act in accordance with who you are and what you believe, not with what others think you should be. && let your individuality and uniqueness shine through, potatoes!

“I will continue to disappoint people that place expectations onto me without my knowledge or consent. May they see the error in their ways from trying to limit me into their narrow world view knowing I’d never play along with this created false narrative of who I am.” -viriyaakarunaa